Something Born Between Them
by MBooker
Summary: Carter and Reese discover they have something else in common... Reese calls Carter because he needs her... Carter helps Reese say goodbye… Carter and Reese come full circle.
1. Genesis

**A/N:** My second PoI fic. Its a little longer than the first one. Thanks to all who reviewed and/or read!

This may turn into a small series if I muse co operates, otherwise it will be a stand alone.

As always, if you read, I hope you like.

Carter and Reese discover they have something else in common.

* * *

**Genesis**

"Hello Detective."

Carter recognized the voice immediately but did not turn to it.

"John" she said as she turned her face away from Reese.

Reese, coffee in hand sat down on the bench next to Carter and looked straight ahead as her scent floated up his nostrils.

"Nobody to save today?" she inquired as she wiped a tear from her eye.

"Nobody to arrest today?" he returned as he looked down at the coffee cup in his hand.

Carter let out a humorless laugh. "Nobody's been murdered… yet" she said sarcastically as she turned and looked straight ahead. "But then it's only 7:30."

The morning air was brisk and cool and the sky was a perfect blue, not a cloud in sight. It was a beautiful morning but Carter's mood did not match it.

"Is that why you are crying?" Reese said gently as he turned and looked at her profile.

Carter thought about denying it but instead decided to change the subject.

"So what brings you here?" she said. "You don't seem like the _stroll in the park_ type."

"Is Taylor OK?" he said softly, refusing to let Carter change the subject.

"He's good" Carter said as a tear rushed down her cheek and she rushed to wipe it away.

"Then why are you crying?" Reese persisted.

Carter remained silent for several moments. Any other day, she would have snapped at John for his meddling but today… she needed, she wanted to lay down her heavy shield and just be vulnerable.

Carter knew she could trust Reese. The moment he promised to get her son back… the moment he delivered on that promise, she had a knowing that she could trust John, that she could be vulnerable with him if only she would.

Though this day was getting easier and easier to face each year, this year it was not easier because she was not grieving for herself but for her son.

"Today's my husband's birthday" Carter started with a slight shake in her voice.

Reese was taken back but remained silent.

…

…

…

"How long has he been gone" Reese reached for her hand and covered it with his when Carter did not continue.

"He was killed when Taylor was 2."

"How long were you all together?" Reese asked, wondering if her relationship with her husband was anything like his relationship with Jessica.

Carter laughed, a genuine laugh and that made Reese smile.

"We met in first grade and it seemed like we were together forever" Carter said in a bittersweet tone. "We got married young and had Taylor 6 months later" she revealed.

"_**6**_ months later?" Reese jokingly inquired. "I thought it took _**9**_ months for a baby to germinate" he teased.

"And if you ever breath a word to Taylor, I will kill you with your own gun" Carter teased.

"I'll remember to keep the chamber empty then" Reese chuckled.

…

…

…

"Has it gotten easier for you?" Reese asked turned serious again after several moments.

"It has" Carter admitted. "Even though I miss him, remembering the good times don't hurt as much but..." Carter paused. "Taylor's becoming a man. I can't teach him how to be one and his father isn't here to show him. For so long it's just been us and he's been my baby. But now…" Carter continued. "It's hard to think of him as a baby when he is taller than I am" she smiled.

"And when there is hair on his face" Reese said.

"That too" Carter returned.

"And when there is base in his voice …"

"Ok! Ok! I get It" Carter laughed. "He's not a baby anymore!"

"No he's not" Reese smiled, wondering again what it would be like to have a child, have a son. "If you ever need me to talk to Taylor, I'd be glad to step in."

"As long as you promised not to teach him how to break any laws" Carter teased.

She was pleased that Reese was willing to be a father figure to Taylor.

"I won't make any promises I can't keep" Reese teased back. "But I will promise to teach him to go for the knee caps instead of center mass."

With his hand still covering hers, they both laughed for a few seconds before letting silence return.

…

…

…

Today was a hard day for Reese too.

"Today's Jessica's birthday too" he finally broke their silence.

Carter turned and looked at Reese's steely profile and waited for him to continue.

Reese remained silent for several moments. Any other day, he would have shut down emotionally, which was easy for him to do, but today… he needed, he wanted to lay down his heavy mask and just be vulnerable.

Reese knew he could trust Carter. The moment she let him escape Snow's clutches… the moment she saved him from the FBI's grip, he had a knowing that he could trust Carter, that he could be vulnerable with her if only he would.

"It's hard as hell" Reese finally said. His profile remained hard but his voice betrayed his hurt.

Carter slipped her hand from beneath his hand, covered his hand with hers and squeezed tight.

She never told him about her trip to Rochelle so it would have been natural for her to ask _Who is Jessica_ but Carter would not feign ignorance so she remained silent.

Squeezing her fingers a little tighter and looking down at the forgotten coffee in his other hand, Reese finally spoke.

"You know about Jessica" he said, more as a statement than a question.

No tears were in his eyes but Carter heard the tears in his voice.

"Yes" Carter confirmed said softly.

Reese correctly surmised that Carter knew _everything_ and for a moment, he wondered why she had not put the cuffs on him…

"I am so sorry" she said remembering the picture she had of Reese and Jessica.

…and in the next moment, he felt her protection.

"Does it really get easier?" he asked with such unbelieving hope.

"It does" Carter said, wanting to cry for the pain she knew he was in. "Day by day it will get better… if you let it."

Reese never deserved Jessica's love… he never deserved Finch's salvation … he never deserved Carter's protection.

"You have to let your guilt go John" Carter said, as if she had read his mind. "You have to let yourself heal. Jessica would want that and you deserve it."

"No I don't" Reese refuted.

"You're not that man anymore John" Carter said confidently. "And that's something you need to accept" she said authoritatively.

In unison, Carter turned from Reese's profile as Reese looked up from his coffee and they both returned to looking straight ahead.

Still grasping each other's hand, they sat on the park bench in silence for several long minutes... one trusted friend to another, they had chosen to share a piece of themselves … they had chosen to be vulnerable.

…

…

…

"Finch" Reese said after tapping his ear piece.

Their silent vigil interrupted.

"We have another number Mr. Reese."

"I'm on my way" Reese said then tapped his ear piece again. "Duty calls" Reese said, still looking straight ahead.

"So I heard" Carter responded.

They remained where they were for a few moments before allowing their hands to disengage.

"Call if you need me" Carter, still looking straight ahead, said as Reese rose from the bench.

"You do the same" Reese, still looking straight ahead, said just before he turned to head to the library.

Trusted friends parted ways knowing that something special, something unbreakable had been born between them.


	2. Crack In The Dam

**A/N:** I am not sure I am satisfied with this but I don't know what else to do with it. Knowing my muse, I may bubble over with more but I am throwing caution to the wind and posting this sucker. I hope you like it even if its only a little bit.

Reese calls Carter because he needs her.

* * *

**A Crack in the Dam**

It had been quiet… too quiet. Several days had gone by and no new number. Reese wondered if the machine was broken and posed the question to Finch.

"Is your machine busted Finch?"

"Of course not Mr. Reese" Finch said in an appalled voice. "Maybe you should use this time to do whatever you do to unwind."

Reese wanted to keep busy not unwind… he needed to keep busy.

Ever since that day he and Carter talked in the park, he had been haunted by Carter's words…

_Day by day it will get better if you let it… You have to let your guilt go John… You have to let yourself heal... Jessica would want that and you deserve it… You're not that man anymore John… that's something you need to accept._

He refused to accept that he deserved any good in this life but Carter's voice refused to be silent.

And times like these, when it was quiet, too quiet, her scent, her image, her voice, her words assaulted him mercilessly …

_Day by day it will get better if you let it… You have to let your guilt go John… You have to let yourself heal... Jessica would want that and you deserve it… You're not that man anymore John… that's something you need to accept._

"Leave Me ALONE!" Reese would shout at Carter's words but damn it all they refused to listen.

_Day by day it will get better if you let it… You have to let your guilt go John… You have to let yourself heal... Jessica would want that and you deserve it… You're not that man anymore John… that's something you need to accept._

Day by day, his resolve was weakening… and on those quiet days, her words hit his resolve like a sledgehammer.

_Day by day it will get better if you let it… You have to let your guilt go John… You have to let yourself heal... Jessica would want that and you deserve it… You're not that man anymore John… that's something you need to accept._

He was tired of fighting her words but he was too afraid to surrender to them.

_Call if you need me_

Her words were soft and quiet.

_Call if you need me_

Her words reached out to him… all he had to do was reach out to her.

_Call if you need me_

He needed her, needed her now.

_Call if you need me_

…

…

…

_Call if you need me_

His eyes saw her face… his ears heard her voice… his nose smelled her scent.

_Call if you need me_

…

…

…

"Carter"

Her voice was so comforting to him in that moment… she had been his protector and now she was his haven, his refuge… she was the thing he was undeserving of…

_You deserve it… You're not that man anymore John…_

"Detective" he said wearily.

Carter heard the weariness in his voice and knew immediately that this was one of _those_ calls.

"Everything OK?" she asked in a tender voice.

"I need to talk."

"OK. Do you want to meet at Lyric's?"

"Can you come to my place?" Carter heard a pleading in his voice and became a bit unsettled.

"John, are you _sure_ you're OK?" she asked again.

"Don't worry Detective" Reese tried to inject some humor." I'm not about to put a bullet in my head."

Carter was not amused.

"Don't do that John" Carter admonished him.

She was worried, worried about him. When she worried over him, it always touched Reese in a place he thought long dead.

"I'm sorry" he regretted causing her unnecessary distress. ""I'm just tired" he admitted.

Carter kept him on the phone as she gathered her things and left the precinct. They talked about this, that and everything that was not important until Reese heard a knock.

"Hold on" he said. "Someone's at the door."

Reese opened the door...

"John" Carter said pleasantly when Reese opened the door.

"I knew it was you" he said as he stepped aside to let her in.

"Sure you did" Carter said, knowing he was telling the truth.

Carter looked around his place noting that it was still more empty than full… but then again, she really was not expecting anything different.

"Want something to drink?" Reese asked as Carter walked over to the windows.

"I'm good" Carter returned over her shoulder.

After a few moments of looking out the window Carter turned to find Reese staring at her.

"So what's on your mind?" she asked as she headed for the couch.

Reese moved toward the couch also and when they were both seated he tried to start…

"I'm not sure where to begin" he said honestly.

Carter had begun to learn when to push Reese and when to wait on him… this was a time to wait on him.

…

…

…

"I ah…" he started as he ran 2 fingers of one hand along the side of the index finger of the other hand. "I've been thinking about what you said before… about… letting go of the guilt… over Jessica" he choked out.

He was so close, so very close but still he was too terrified to surrender the battle…

"All the things I've done…" his voice cracked with overwhelming emotion. "I walked away from her" he cried. "She's dead because of me."

"She's not dead because of you" Carter said firmly but compassionately.

Carter refused to let him blame himself and that made Reese angry. He needed her to agree with him not oppose him. If she knew all the things he had done, she would look at him differently his head told him. He would lose her trust… he would lose her protection… he would lose her comfort… he would lose her.

"You don't know all the things I've done" he said bitterly. "If you did…"

"Then tell me" Carter interrupted. "Tell me John" she challenged.

Reese was stopped cold. How could he tell her those things? How could he open that part of himself to her? How?

Because he knew he could trust her…

_Reese knew he could trust Carter. The moment she let him escape Snow's clutches… the moment she saved him from the FBI's grip, he had a knowing that he could trust Carter, that he could be vulnerable with her if only he would._

He could trust her with his very soul…

It was not his head that gave his mouth permission open… it was his heart, his soul… they trusted her with his heart, with his soul, with his very being, with his very life.

Reese talked slow as he told Carter of the things he had done. His voice was filled with shame and self deprecation as he gave her details, gruesome details and left no killing, no atrocity unturned.

"Why should someone like me deserve to live, let alone have some good in this life?" he asked softly, afraid to look at Carter.

_Surely she will despise you now_ his head screamed.

Carter knew she had to keep it together for Reese's sake. She waited until she got her emotions under control before she spoke.

"John" she finally said.

Her voice was soft… it was gentle… it was kind.

"Look at me" she said quietly.

Reese squeezed his eyes tight and gritted his teeth. The shame he felt would not let him hear the tenderness in her voice.

…

…

…

"John" she said again. "Look at me."

Reese slowly opened his eyes and stared at his hands as he began to rub his index finger again. He was preparing himself for what he would see in her eyes… distain, disgust, distrust.

"John" she called to him again.

Reese closed his eyes once more then slowly opened them.

Slowly he turned to her and Carter nearly drowned in his unshed tears. She saw his pain, his regret, his self hate… and she longed to wipe them all away.

"You aren't that man anymore" she said steadfastly.

Her eyes… a tear slipped over his eyelid and down his cheek as Reese looked into her eyes.

They were full of sorrow, sorrow for him…

They were full of kindness, kindness for him…

They were full of respect, respect for him…

They were full of trust, trust in him…

They were full of love, some kind of love for him…

Another tear escaped and slid down his cheek. She was still his protector, still his haven, still his refuge.

Carter reached over and took his hand as Reese shed silent tears. During the silence, Carter struggled with whether or not it was time to give Reese the photo. Would it push him back or would it pull him forward. In an instance, she made her choice.

"I have something for you" she said as she rubbed her thumb across the back if his hand. "I found this in Jessica's belongings when I went to New Rochelle" Carter pulled the photo out of her pocket and handed it to Reese.

Still gripping Carter's hand, Reese took the photo with his free hand. Looking at Jessica, looking at the 2 of them, smiling and happy, Reese ran his thumb over Jessica's image.

"She was beautiful" he said quietly.

"Yes she was" Carter agreed. "And she would want you to live again."

Reese knew that was true but he was still holding back.

As if she read his mind, Carter spoke. "Forgive yourself John. That's the first step and I'm here to take it with you."

"I don't deserve this" he said, gazing at Jessica's image. "I don't deserve you" he looked up at Carter.

"Well you got me" she said resolutely and smiled.

"How can you look at me the same after what I just told you?" he asked bewildered.

Carter's heart broke for the despair she saw in Reese's eyes.

"Because" Carter began as she searched for words. "Because I see what you can't see. I see what you have become, what you may have always been… I see a man who's willing to die to protect others. I see a man who is honorable. I see a man who keeps his promises" she smiled. "I see a good, kind, caring man who is willing to do whatever it takes to help someone in need. That's who you are John."

Carter could see the struggle Reese was having but she could also see the crack in the dam.

"I'll never be able to pay you back…" Reese began.

"You're money's no good here" Carter interrupted Reese in a teasing tone.

His eyes still filled with tears, Reese knew he could never express how much she meant to him and how grateful he was to have her in his life.

Reading his eyes perfectly, Carter responded. "You don't have to say anything. I'm here for you. You're here for me. We are here for each other… that's what friends are for."

Reese smiled as he squeezed Carter's hand. He knew he was not out of the woods yet but he was thankful for the friend who would take each step with him.

The night she was shot, he promised her she was not alone… today she promised him he was not alone either.


	3. Letting Go, Holding On

**A/N:** This takes place **_at least_** 2 years after the 1st chapter… and as always, I hope you like it.

Carter helps Reese say goodbye.

* * *

**Letting Go, Holding On**

**_Carter's Apartment_**

Carter was in the mirror finishing her makeup when her cell phone began to ring. She gave herself a last once over before turning out the bathroom light and rushing to her bed where her phone lay.

"Carter" she said in a huff.

"Good morning Detective."

"Good morning John" Carter returned in a suspicious voice. "I haven't had my coffee yet" she continued before he could give her his latest request. "I haven't even left the house."

"Breakfast on me then and you can even order coffee" Reese offered.

"Coffee _and_ breakfast? Are you adding bribery to your list of offenses" Carter teased.

"No bribery. Just coffee _and_ breakfast with a friend."

"I have to drop Taylor off to school. Lyric's in 30?"

"Works for me."

Carter smiled as she disconnected the call.

_Just coffee and breakfast with a friend_

She was not sure when it happened. Maybe there was no particular point that could be targeted. Maybe it was something that just happened, moment by moment, bit by bit, case by case. But it happened. They had become friends, were still becoming friends, genuine friends who had learned and were still learning to count on each other, to trust each other.

"Ma!" Taylor pulled Carter from her thoughts. "I'm gonna be late!"

"Drop that tone boy... I'm coming!" Carter replied as she slid her phone in her pocket and reached for her gun holster.

**_Lyric's_**

"Are you ready to order sir?" the waitress asked.

"Not yet. Excuse me" Reese said as pulled out his phone.

**Carter**

_Sorry. Traffic is bad. Will be there in 10_

"I'm waiting on someone" Reese looked back up at the waitress. "She will be here in about 10 minutes."

"OK then" the waitress smiled. "I'll come back then."

Reese watched as the waitress walked off then he turned back to his thoughts. He was at a crossroads and he was not sure which way to go. He was not even sure why or how he got to the crossroads in the first place. All he knew was that he needed to decide on something and he could count on Carter for help.

Eleven minutes later, Reese watched as Carter walked toward their booth.

"You're late Detective" Reese teased as Carter slid into the booth.

"You're still paying for breakfast" Carter retorted with a raised brow and a smile. "So what's up? You must want something really big if I get breakfast with my coffee."

"That hurts Carter" Reese joked. "You think all I want you for is intel?"

Reese was not sure why he chose that phrase and decided to ignore any subtle meaning that might be lurking behind it.

Carter's ears perked up but like Reese, she chose to ignore the radar that said there was more to the meaning behind his words.

"Coffee" the prompt waitress was a welcomed interruption.

"Yes please" Carter and Reese said in unison.

"Are you ready to order?"

"Give us a minute" Carter said as she opened her menu.

"Sure thing. I'll be back in a few."

"Do you know what you're getting" Carter asked Reese as she perused her options.

"An omelette."

"Sounds good" Carter said as she continued searching the menu. "But I think I have a taste for pancakes."

As promised, the waitress returned in a few minutes and took their orders.

"So what's up" Carter asked after the waitress left their booth. "Everything OK" she asked, concern filling her voice because she sensed this was more personal than business.

"How's your case with the murdered family going" Reese turned the conversation back to Carter.

"Haven't shaken much loose. No leads, no idea what the motive could be. The husband and wife both have clean records but I'm not comfortable yet putting this down as a random killing."

"Maybe Finch can dig up something on them and make some connections you can't see."

"Yeah" Carter smiled. "I am getting desperate and was thinking about calling him."

"You know he loves it when you call" Reese smiled.

"Yeah" Carter laughed. "So he can rub it in my face and say" Carter began. "_Why Detective Carter, are you asking me to **hack **into someone's personal information_."

Reese laughed out loud. She did a pretty good Finch and he loved snarky, comical Carter.

"Well he does have you there _Detective_" Reese continued to laugh.

"Yeah, yeah" Carter feigned annoyance. "One day I'm gonna arrest you both."

_I'm already surrendering to you Detective_

Reese's laughter subsided a bit. He frowned slightly and wondered where that thought came from.

"How's Taylor doing? Has he heard back from any of the schools he applied too" Reese said.

"Not yet and he's anxious. He thinks he's going across the country to school but he's got another think coming" Mama Bear Carter proclaimed.

"He's not a little boy anymore Carter" Reese admonished as he took a gulp of his coffee.

"I know but that's just too far away" she insisted. "You all are still going to the Knicks game Friday right?"

"As long as a case doesn't get in the way."

"Will you talk to him, try to convince him that he should go to school on the East coast or even better right here in New York" Carter begged.

"You know I'm not going to do that and you should be ashamed of yourself for asking" Reese grinned.

"You are such a traitor" Carter said irritably. "But you're right" she sighed in the next breath. "I wouldn't dream of stopping him from going. I just wish he'd decide to go somewhere close."

"You can't baby him forever."

"Why not" Carter asked the irrational question because she was not giving up without a fight.

"Because he's a grown man" Reese pointed out the obvious.

"Not yet he isn't."

"Give it up Carter."

"Like I said… turncoat" Carter hissed.

"You know I'm right" Reese grinned.

"Whatever" Carter retorted and Reese laughed.

Their breakfast came and they continued to talk about Taylor as they ate. Once that topic exhausted itself, they talked a bit more about the family murder case and then went on to discuss a few of Carter's other open homicides.

After they finished eating and the waitress cleared their plates and left the ticket, Carter thanked Reese.

"Thanks for breakfast. Next time it'll be my treat."

"It might have to be my treat" Reese said sheepishly.

"So the breakfast _does_ have strings" Carter said, thinking she got it wrong and this was business not personal.

"No strings but I do need to talk" he said quietly.

"I need to go over to the 82nd precinct to talk to a detective about one of my cases that could be linked to one of his."

"We can talk later" Reese said immediately.

"I'll call over there and tell him I'll be late."

"You don't have to do that" Reese insisted.

"I know" Carter smiled as she reached for her phone.

Reese watched Carter as she dialed. It was still incomprehensible to him that the woman sitting across from him had become his friend. A friend he could depend on and one that he could trust… with _everything_.

"Detective Moreland please" Carter said as she looked back at Reese and smiled. "Hey Bunk its Carter… yeah I'll be late for our meeting… OK. I'll call when I'm on my way" she said then ended the call. "Now" Carter said, her full attention on Reese. "I'm all yours."

Carter was not sure why she chose that phrase and decided to ignore any subtle meaning that might be lurking behind it.

Reese's ears perked up but like Carter, he chose to ignore the radar that said there was more to the meaning behind her words.

"I've been thinking about Jessica a lot lately" Reese began.

"Good thoughts I hope."

"You were right" Reese said. "It does get easier."

"Memories can be a good thing" Carter smiled.

Reese returned the smile as he searched for the words to explain what he was feeling.

"I'm holding on to Jessica and I feel like…"

…

…

"Like its holding you back? Like you're stuck in the past" Carter offered.

Reese nodded as he held back the threatening tears.

"It's OK if you let her go John" Carter said softly. "Saying goodbye to Jessica doesn't mean you will forget her."

"I feel like I'm walking away from her _again_" Reese said, the pain and guilt in his voice clear.

"And you feel guilty for even thinking about saying goodbye" Carter ascertained.

Reese tilted his head slightly and lowered his eyes from Carter's gaze as he clasped his hands and rested them on the table.

"Hey" Carter said as she reached across the table and laid her hand over his. "John…" Carter said when Reese did not lift his eyes to her. "John" she implored him again as she rubbed the back of his hand with her thumb. "Look at me."

A few moments passed before Reese lifted his eyes.

"Let it go" Carter begged gently. "Let it go… _all_ of it" her soft eyes entreated him.

Carter's words, spoken so gently, so sincerely, were a lifeline to that part of him that was drowning in guilt, pain and shame over Jessica. However, Reese did not think he could stretch himself enough to grab hold of the preserver Carter was offering him.

Carter could see Reese's struggled and she reached for his hands with her free one. Taking his left hand into her right one and his right hand into her left one, she spoke.

"I know it's not an easy thing but you can do this" Carter assured him.

"You think so?" Reese said, hesitation and doubt permeating his voice.

"I know so" Carter returned, faith in him infusing her voice.

Several moments passed between them as Reese struggled to take hold of the faith Carter had in him.

…

…

…

"Will you go with me…" the words left his mouth before Reese knew what he was saying. "To Jessica's grave?"

"Are you sure you want me there" Carter asked.

She was not needed in the intimacy of the place where he was going.

"I want you there" Reese said.

He wanted her in the intimacy of the place where he was going.

"Then I'm there" Carter said without hesitation.

**_The Cemetery_**

They walked silently toward Jessica's grave. As they got closer, Carter slowed her pace until she came to a complete stop. She watched as Reese continued the rest of the way until. When he reached the grave, Reese kneeled down next to the headstone.

"Jess it's me" Reese began as he laid the flowers on the grave.

…

…

"I'm sorry it's taken so long for me to come" he said as he lovingly ran his fingers over her name. "I hope you aren't too disappointed in me for acting like a coward… I've been afraid to come because… because I blame myself… I wasn't here to help you. If I had come like I promised… maybe things have been different."

…

…

"I brought my friend Joss. She's helping me a lot and she's helping me to forgive myself…. I hope you can forgive me too."

…

…

"Jessica…" Reese began.

_I know it's not an easy thing but you can do this_

…

…

"I'll never forget you" Reese said softly then took a deep breath.

…

…

"_Goodbye Jessica_" he wept in a nearly inaudible whisper.

Those 2 words made Reese feel as if his heart had just been ripped out. All the longing, all the pain, all the anger, all the guilt, all the shame welled up inside of him until he could no longer hold back the unshed tears.

His agony exploded inside of him and Reese began to cry in earnest as his tormented soul sought for release. Carter watched as Reese began to shake and she hesitated only a moment before rushing to his side.

Sinking to her knees next to him, she watched as tears streamed down his face as she gently put her arm around his shoulders. Instinctively Reese turned and leaned into Carter and let his head fall on her shoulder. Carter wrapped her other arm around him as she laid her check against his forehead.

He was safe in her arms. There, in his haven, he did not have to fight; he could let his guard down completely... and he did.

Suddenly Reese let out an anguished cry as his tortured soul screamed for escape. His tears became hotter; his anguished cry became louder as he held on to Carter in this painful journey.

His tears became heavier and his cry more anguished as the longing, pain, anger, guilt and shame began to pour out of him.

If it were possible Reese's cry became even more tormented when Carter pressed her lips against his forehead, tightened her embrace around him and began to rock him slowly.

…

…

…

As the fire of his longing, pain, anger, guilt and shame began to subside, Reese's cry became softer.

Carter began to rub his back and her affectionate touch soothed Reese. With each stroke of her hand across his back, Reese felt the torment weaken until he felt the beginnings of something very comforting.

Letting go of Jessica, holding on to Carter…

The deadness inside of him was finally being overcome by the promise of something new and alive on the horizon.


	4. Full Circle

**A/N: **So I thought the last chapter was the last chapter... apparently it's not. So here is the last chapter (I think) and I hope you like it.

* * *

**Full Circle**

"Good morning Detective" Reese said as he approached the park bench with 2 coffees in his hand.

"John" Carter said as she looked toward the familiar voice and smiled.

Once seated, Reese passed Carter's coffee to her.

"Thanks" Carter said just before taking a sip and turning to look straight ahead.

"You're welcome" Reese said just before taking a sip and turning to look straight ahead.

It had become their ritual to meet in this same spot on this same day each year.

"It's been 4 years since the first time we talked here."

"It has hasn't it" Carter nodded. "Time flies when you're having fun" Carter said as she turned and smiled at Reese's profile.

Reese smile but said nothing.

In between the stress and strain of their working lives, Carter and Reese had manage to find time for fun with each other. Whether it was him watching Law and Order with her, her watching the Cooking Channel with him, them watching the latest comedy or her, him and Taylor going to a Knicks or Giants game… there was fun, simple fun to be had when they were together.

…

…

…

…

"I'm proud of you" Carter broke the comfortable silence between them.

"For what?"

"For how far you've come."

"If it wasn't for you, I don't think I would be where I am."

"You would have gotten there" Carter said confidently.

"Not without you" Reese said sincerely.

"You are giving me entirely too much credit" Carter insisted.

"You have to have the last word don't you" Reese smiled and turned to look at Carter.

"Of course" Carter turned to Reese and smiled.

Turning his head back and looking down at the coffee in his hands, Reese began to fiddle with the cup. He had not planned on broaching the subject, not on this day. But sitting there with her… things felt right but then whenever he was with her, things felt right. Reese was not sure how to begin, how he would say what he needed to say so he decided to take the direct approach.

"I'm in love with you" he said softly.

The words came easy and he knew they would. Loving Carter, being in love with Carter came easy to him once he learned how to let himself feel again.

...

...

"I don't know when it happened" Reese continued. "But I'm in love with you" he said again.

Carter was at a loss. She did not know what she should say. She did not know how she should feel.

...

...

"I don't expect you to feel the same way about me" he started again, wanting to give Carter a way out. "And I hope this doesn't ruin what we have" he said, with the slightest hint of longing in his voice.

Carter was still at a loss. She still did not know what she should say. She still did not know how she should feel.

Her continued silence should have made Reese regret his admission but he did not. He regretted so many things in his life. Too many times he did or said things he should not have. Too many times he let opportunities pass him by, opportunities he should have reached out and grabbed.

Reese had hoped that Carter would return his feelings but he had prepared himself and even expected her to reject him. He knew she loved him as a friend. She had proven that point over and over again. But to love him, to be in love with him, to want him not only as a friend but a lover and dare he hope, even a husband…

But Carter's silence proved that lover and husband was too much for him to hope for.

"I would say I'm sorry about this, about putting you on the spot… but I'm not" he said. "I love you and I want you. I needed you to know that…"

Still nothing from Carter.

...

...

"I hope we can still be friends" Reese said before he stood and walked off, leaving a still speechless Carter to watch his retreating figure.

For the next few days, Reese avoided calling Carter and she avoided calling him. He did not want to push her or make her feel uncomfortable so he arrested his impatience and waited for her to make the first move, waited for her to tell him that they were still OK, that they were still friends. However, the longer he went without a word from her, the more be believed he had lost his friend.

Finally, Reese determined that if he did not hear from Carter by the end of the weekend, he was going to call her. On Saturday about 9 PM, he was pleasantly surprised when his text alert went off.

**Carter**

Hey. Are you busy?

**Reese**

No. Why?

**Carter**

I need a ride

**Reese**

Where are you?

**Carter**

Harry's on Bronough

**Reese**

I'll be there in 20 minutes

True to his word, 20 minutes later Reese walked through the doors of Harry's.

"How many sir" the hostess asked.

"I'm here to pick up a friend" Reese said then turned his gaze to search the room.

Reese did not see Carter until she stood up from her table. She was with a group of her girlfriends and he watched as she gave each one a hug and said goodnight. Reese watched her intently as she made her way to him. He missed her and seeing her made him realize just how much. The corner of his mouth turned up when he noticed she was a bit unsteady on her feet.

"Hello" Carter smiled once she reached him.

"Hello" Reese smiled back as he took her coat from her and helped her put it on.

"Thanks for picking me up" she said with the slightest slur.

Reese decided to wait until they were alone to point out to Carter that she was inebriated. He was going to bring it up on the ride home but Carter monopolized the conversation. First she wanted to talk about what he had been up to the past few days and then she wanted to know about the case he had been working on. She then flipped the conversation to the new Blu-Ray she needed him to hook up to the TV. After that she told him about the movies she was planning on renting or buying. She gave him an update on Taylor and everything under the sun except how she felt about his admission and what it meant for them and their future.

"Thanks for the ride" Carter slurred after they walked into her apartment and Reese closed and locked the door.

"You're welcome" Reese replied as helped Carter with her coat.

Reese took a moment to let his eyes appreciate the figure that was filling out black, body hugging dress Carter was wearing. The display of a bit of cleavage and her curvy hips… if only she was his, he would have her naked in seconds and would feast on every inch...

"I hope I didn't pull you away from anything" Carter pulled Reese from his erotic imaginings.

"I told you I wasn't busy" Reese said as he watched her take her coat and purse and dump them on the couch.

"Do you want something to eat or drink" Carter asked as she headed to the kitchen.

Reese knew Carter was avoiding the elephant in the room and he grabbed her arm as she tried to pass him and gently pulled her in front of him.

"When did you start drinking" he said with a small smile.

"I haven't _started drinking_" Carter informed Reese in a slurred huff.

"You're drunk" his smile grew wider.

"Tipsy" she insisted.

"Same thing" he said teasingly. "So when did you start?"

"Start what?"

"Drinking?"

"It was wine thank you."

Carter was not a drinker. Whenever she went out with her girlfriends, she would always order club soda… but not this night. She had been stunned by Reese's admission and she did not know what to do with it or her reaction to it. When her girlfriends called for an impromptu GNO, Carter readily accepted and instead of her usual club soda, she opted to have wine and to make things worse, she drank on an empty stomach.

"How much did you drink" Reese asked, the humor in his voice evident.

"I don't know" Carter slurred as she turned from Reese and walked toward the couch.

"That much huh?" Reese laughed. "You might have one hell of a hangover since you aren't use to alcohol."

"I told you it was wine" Carter slurred vehemently as she plopped down on the couch and suddenly felt extremely drowsy.

"Same thing."

"And I don't see what's so funny" Carter continued as she turned and glared at Reese. "This is your fault."

"_My_ fault?" Reese's eyes twinkled. "It's my fault that _you_ got drunk" Reese laughed again.

"Tipsy damn it! And yes it's _your_ fault" Carter drunkenly insisted. "If you didn't drive me crazy you wouldn't have driven me to drink."

"So you're admitting that you're drunk" Reese decided not to resist the urge to tease.

"Tipsy! How many times to I have do tell you it's **_tipsy_**!" Carter insisted again as she laid her head back on the couch and closed her eyes.

Reese was tempted to push the subject of him driving her crazy but quickly opted against it.

"I'd better go. Can you put yourself to bed?"

"Where are you going?"

"Home."

"I don't want you to go."

Reese wanted to stay more than anything but he did not want to read anything into Carter's words and he knew it would be better to talk about this, about them when Carter was sober.

"Tell you what" Reese said after he walked over to the couch and sat down next to Carter. "When you wake up" he said as he took her hand and held it between his. "Call me and we can meet for breakfast… or, if you're hung over, I'll come over and make breakfast."

"Let's go to the park" Carter sighed, her head still resting back on the couch and her eyes still closed.

"The park it is then" Reese smiled at the nearly sleeping drunk detective.

Reese waited until he was sure Carter was asleep before he moved her into a comfortable position on the couch and removed her heels. He got a blanket from the closet and laid it over her before bending down and kissing Carter on the temple.

"Goodnight Detective" Reese whispered and kissed her temple again.

The next morning, Carter woke promptly at 6:30 and it took her a minute to remember why she was on the couch fully dressed.

_Goodnight Detective_

She heard that voice and a smile slowly crept across her face. After stretching for a few moments, Carter sat upright then stood. She was thankful that she did not suffer any side affects of her wine drinking the night before. By 8:00 AM, she was dialing Reese's number.

"Good morning Detective" he answered promptly.

"Good morning John" she said with a smile in her voice.

"You don't sound hung over" he teased.

"ha ha" Carter said. "You have time for a friend" she asked in an apologetic tone.

"That's something you never have to wonder about" Reese returned sweetly.

By the time Carter made it to the park, Reese was already there waiting for her. When she saw him on the bench her steps became quicker but once she got to the bench and sat down next to him, words eluded her.

Reese allowed the silence to continue. He had put himself out there with his admission and though he still did not regret it, he wanted Carter to make the next move.

"I'm sorry" she finally said.

Reese prepared himself for the rejection. Maybe it was the wine saying that he drove her crazy. Maybe it was the wine asking him to stay last night.

"I am sorry for hiding out" Carter let out a little laugh. "It's just… you took me by surprise. I wasn't expecting this, any of this… I wasn't expecting to like you let alone become so close to you."

...

...

"Our lives are so complicated and I didn't want to admit that I wanted more with you because... I'm afraid that it will all be taken away" she confessed.

...

...

"I **_am_** in love with you" she said vehemently. "And it scares the hell out of me."

...

...

"Do you regret it, us?" Reese asked.

"No" she said quickly and honestly. "I wouldn't turn back the clock even if I could."

...

...

"I'm afraid too" Reese admitted. "But I want you more."

A few moments passed in silence before Carter slid across the bench until she was pressed against Reese. Hooking her arm around his, Carter laid her head on Reese's shoulder.

She wanted him more too.

...

…

…

…

"Where do we go from here" Carter wondered aloud.

"Where ever it is, we go together" Reese proclaimed as he intertwined his fingers with hers.

After a few moments, Carter tilted her head back on his shoulder as Reese turned his head and looked into her eyes. They smiled at each other as Reese lowered his head and they shared their very first kiss.

Two adversaries had become unlikely friends… and now, two unlikely friends had come full circle and together they would become more because of the love that was born between them.

**_Finis  
_**

* * *

**A/N**: I hope you have enjoyed my little story about the beginning of the love between Carter and Reese.


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